How To Tame A Toddler

As I sit down to take time to chill on a sunny but cold Sunday afternoon I find a rather pleasant notification on one of my social media accounts and it suddenly reminds me of the one to one times me and my child enjoyed a few years back. It’s not always easy being a single parent and life can be filled with more stresses than I care to admit but you know what it’s not all that bad either. I have been gifted with an unbreakable bond and unconditional love and I wanted to share a rather funny post from 2013 that I wrote; a kind of survival guide to getting through a day of toddler time with a 3 year old. I have been a single parent to my child since he was conceived and being told by his father to abort my child or he would leave me… Almost 10 years later my boy is playing his favourite game in the bath with his action figures and a mountain of bath bombs so you can see what my choice was; in fact there was only one option… Kick the no good son of a bitch out.

Anyway here is a my memory ‘The Ultimate Survival Guide.

New lesson: how to keep a toddler occupied in bad weather.

Step 1)

Make inexpensive jelly as your child will have great fun pulling and twisting the jelly pieces for a good hour; pay special attention to not help on this as it helps to let them do it themselves as it takes longer. This equals less time left before bed time and mommy free time lol.

Step 2.

Walk very slowly to the shop to get cup cake making ingredients. Ensure safety at all times especially in icy conditions. This equals less time before bed and more mommy self indulgence time.

Step 3.

If there is snow kill some time with a bucket and spade by making snow castles. You won’t get very far before your toddler would rather knock them down instead of building. A snow man is also good but before they turn 4 they get bored very quickly and will soon start wrestling with Mr Snow Man or decide he is better without a head. Lol less time before bed now

Step 4.

Get making the cupcakes your child will love this mucky play but to save on mess pre-crack eggs first in a glass for them to add to the bowl. Cupcakes don’t taste nice with an egg crunch. Mommy time getting closer lol

Step 5

Open up the Bullseye game it’s darts but only magnetic ones so after a good half hour throwing plastic darts at a plastic mat the cakes will be cool enough to ice.

Step 6

Make sure u remember to put darts back as we have lost them now behind sofa whilst I was not looking lol

Step 7

Cake icing time a sturdy high chair is recommended here for height and safety control . A good tip is to pre whisk the dry icing sugar before u let ur child on to the job. Warning everything will be a white snow blizzard otherwise.

Step 8

Eat cakes I couldn’t eat more than five lol

Step 9

Be sick they were far too sickly but very nice at least the calories have been reduced.

Step 10

Find a good afternoon movie to watch I like Garfield today at 4.30 pm; you are on the final stretch.

Mommy time in T minus 120 minutes.

NB – not all of the above is an accurate reconstruction of toddler time especially the five cakes because one was enough for me however I may return to the fridge in mommy time for a midnight snack after wine o’clock xx


Shoulder riding and horsey riding are also good ways of keeping your child entertained but be careful as I think I need a visit to the CHIROPRACTOR.

Now this is the last little stretch before wind down o’clock.. It’s the kissing and cuddling game. I call it the ‘Kissy Monster’; that’s me by the way….

It’s a little run and chase game around the house before we get down to some proper mummy snuggles.

Ah it really is mommy time now and boy I need it as I’m exhausted but I could not see my life without my little boy.

Nicola and Ethan