SELF DOUBT

Just woke up from an awful dream. It’s all so vivid but the moral or rather the instructions that this dream was giving me was to ‘never let anyone tell you you are not good enough’. I studied Documentary Photography at degree level and throughout my degree I was criticised within an inch of my life on each project I tried to complete by one particular lecturer who for some reason had taken a dislike to me. I tried so hard to express my thoughts and visions and when I created some he approved of there was no encouragement just shock that I had actually something to say. The reality was the number he had done on me had already dug so deep that the damage had already been done.

Grey Friars

Today I am on the cusp of restarting my journey after 2 years without even trying to express myself; 2 years without holding so much as a phone camera. It actually upsets me to think of how I fought to complete my degree when I felt like quitting every single moment. I made it through by the skin of my teeth with a massive depression and camera anxiety. The thoughts extruding like a neon sign “I’m not good enough”. What I am trying to say is and what my dream is trying to tell me is “I am good enough”….

Cardiff Bay Barrage

We all have something to say……
Do not compare yourself with others……
We all have our own journey to take……
If one person gets what you want to say than that is good enough….
If one person likes your work then that is good enough…

I’m going back into this journey knowing I have something to say and want to say it yet with the cloak or my inner demons dragging me back down. It feels wierd to hold my xt3 atm and my confidence ebbs yet it will again become my second skin.

Wanted to share because I have something to say and I think it is important.

Cardiff Protest

Above is an image of a Protest I attended in Cardiff with a trusty Nikon SLR. I had so much confidence then and I look at it and remind myself I am good enough. I was crouching and squeezing into places with no self doubt. I look at it and see in the left hand side of the Frame my thumb print in the imulsion of the paper but it didn’t bother Ansel Adams in some of his iconic images so why would it bother me. It feels real and it’s my first ever wet dark room image so if it’s good enough for Ansel it’s good enough for me.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.